today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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