Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
