we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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