you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
COCAINE IS GR8
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
