She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize