I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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