i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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