i need an iv and a liver transplant
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
