Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
