We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
