well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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