i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
