I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
