he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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