He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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