The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you had me at cake vodka
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
