I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
