I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
