If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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