I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
