so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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