She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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