Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
