Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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