Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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