I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
