I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
