i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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