She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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