I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
