god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
