i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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