she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
