Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
