i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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