bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
