she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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