I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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