After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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