a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
