I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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