He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
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I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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