She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What changed your mind?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped