it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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