At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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