i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
