I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you had me at cake vodka
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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