do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
