I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
