you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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