physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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