Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
