my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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