So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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