That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
