absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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