i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize