I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
