apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We don't watch enough power rangers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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