So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
