You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
