Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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