Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
