I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
