So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
