I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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