mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
