i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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