i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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