his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
