I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
