I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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