I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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