i think my tv is drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
